The Introspection
Wheel, circa.
1854
 |
| The original wheel was designed to sit atop
a table, and incorporated some Chinese elements. |
After his return from China and the ill-fated
expedition to climb Mount XV, Michael Flannigan returned to Britain
downcast. Financially, he was still doing well as an inventor of
the popular Phanerogram Rendering Tube, aka, nautch. (There
was no end of demand in the outwardly repressed, but randy Victorian
London.
During the return trip to England, and
while he was reestablishing his presence as a supplier of nautches
to the debauched aristocracy, Flannigan reflected upon his voyage.
(1) He tried to cultivate the meditative
techniques of the Chi Ling Posies, but was unable to calm his mind
long enough to reach a state of relaxation (or indeed, even long
enough to do a decent bouquet).
While attending a performance of Sid
Wagle-Bottom's Follies (a local burlesque near Fleet Street), he
was fascinated by the performance of a follower of Mesmer. The introspection
wheel was born.
At first, Flannigan was happy enough
to use the wheel for his own relaxation, but he soon realized there
could be commercial possibilities.
His nautch-related connections with
the aristocracy and the nouveau riche paid off and Flannigan soon
had several versions of the introspection wheel in some of the most
important households in London. The device took off, and was the
hit of the 1854 social season.
 |
| Some addicts gave up work, and took to panhandling
while they used. |
Despite his Irish extraction, Flannigan
was lauded by the peerage for the device. Even the London Smudgy
Times -- normally a vicious and sarcastic broadsheet - celebrated
the invention's "wonderful rejuvenative powers". This
celebrity also translated into a small fortune; enough money to
pay outright for the wedding of Emily Chesley's parents, John and
Molly, and the infamous Sherksbury-on-Whimsey Chapel.
But like so many of the inv
entor's creations, even the introspection wheel
turned against him. One of the unfortunate side effects of the wheel
was that it was highly addictive. So powerfully did the wheel relax
its users (2), that users could
not get enough. Addicts were hit by carriages, trains, teamsters
and in one tragic incident, an elephant (3),
as they tried to walk about on their business and use the wheel
at the same time.
 But
this might have passed un-noticed, as most of these unfortunates
were part of the hoi-polloi (the nouveau riche). But the tide turned
against Flannigan when Lord Robert "Buggery" Fentwhistle-Ringbog,was
bankrupted by his dependence on the device (though Flannigan's defenders
claimed it was "Buggery's" admiration of red biddy (4).
As was usually the case in Victorian England, the peerage carried
the day and Flannigan was forced to leave London in shame, taking
his sister Molly and her daughter Emily, and his four other debauched
sisters back to Ireland.
--"Scholarship" by The Squire
-----------
Notes:
1. The invention of
the introspection wheel falls in an auspicious time of Flannigan's
life, before a number of habitual nautch users started to notice
a slight defect with the product - it caused their copulatory tackle
to whither, and in some alarming cases, fall off completely. [back]
2. The historian Geoffrey
Rugweed has suggested that the intense relaxation it elicited must
have released endorphins in the brain. [back]
3. The London Smudgy
Times had a field day with this incident. [back]
4. An alarming Irish
concoction of gin and bad wine - meant to approximate port. [back]
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