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The Bloody, Bloody Broom
A poem by Banger McReady
The bride is wrapped in beauty, she is lovely as can be
The groom he is resplendent in his neatly trimmed goatee
The band is stepping lively and the alcohol is free
Welcome to the wedding of the 19th Century!
They couldn't marry in a field, nor wed beneath the trees
For fear of all the pollen drifting on the summer breeze
They love the little birdies but are terrified of bees
You see, they have to worry 'bout his dreadful allergies
The broom, the broom, the bloody, bloody broom
Just one of many flowers that could guarantee his doom
A deadly Scottish blossom with a lovely yellow bloom
Lurking in the darkness of the honeymoon bedroom
The priest makes all the holy moves, and hymns to love are sung
The groom recites bad poetry, the wedding bells are rung
As newlyweds, they kiss with all the passion of the young
First exchanging golden rings and then exchanging tongue
The broom, the broom, the bloody, bloody broom
The maid is decorating in advance of va-va-voom|
She thinks the vibrant colour will help dispel the gloom
How is she to know she's rung the death knell for the groom?
The dancehall flows with wine and all the tables groan with cheese
The maiden aunts are shocked and drunken uncles are at ease
The groom he does a sprightly jig and doesn't even wheeze
Until the bride sneaks up and puts his hand between her knees
The broom, the broom, the bloody, bloody broom
O'er the wedding scen'r'y like a buzzard it does loom
They fly right up the stairs and cross the threshold to the room
And jump in bed just fast enough to make a sonic boom
They've waited seven years, you see, to try it on for size
This sweatily delightful intermingling of thighs
The good bit's just beginning when to the bride's immense surprise
The groom lets out a might sneeze, and the silly bugger dies!
The broom, the broom, the bloody, bloody broom
She gathers up a bunch of it and drops it on his tomb
Her poet love, gone high above, ne'er touched her widowed womb
How tragic that he never got to use his nom de plume
BMcR - Ypres, 1915
--"Scholarship" by Flyboy
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