Letters of Annoyance
Published Letters
There are inane slogans
in the Forest City!
(The London Free Press)
Stop with the lists already!
(National Post)
Re: 'proactive'
(Globe & Mail)
The Year 2000
(Globe & Mail)
The Canadian Wheat Board (Head Office)
423 Main Street
P.O. Box 816, Stn. Main
Winnipeg, Manitoba
R3C 2P5
Dear Sirs,
It is with great consternation and much annoyance that I write this letter. It has recently come to our attention that there is an unforgivably abysmal dearth of standards overseeing quality assurance problems in regard to consumable wheat derivatives. The argument is thus:
- Premise A: When bread goes stale, it gets hard.
- Premise B: When croutons go stale, they get soft.
- Conclusion: What the hell?!
To alleviate this confusion, we humbly request the immediate installation of an International Staleness Board (ISB). As per our proposal, the ISB would be committed to establishing a body of standards governing all staleness-related research across the world (except for Norway). Working to close the gap between profuse variants of staleness in bread products, the ISB’s mandate should be to put this troubling matter to rest.
May it fill our hearts with everlasting optimism that your sagely wisdom will prevail in this issue.
We hope these suggestions are taken with the seriousness in which they are given, and we thank you for your time.
Yours sincerely,
A. R. Armstrong,
On behalf of
The Emily Chesley Reading Circle
The Emily Chesley Reading Circle was established to further the study of Emily Chesley, a long-overlooked Canadian speculative fiction writer of the late-Victorian period, who lived for some time in the London, Ontario region.
Letters of Annoyance and Letters of Approval are produced by the Circle as a service to the public.
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